thoughts on C H A N G E
phew. change can be tough. here are a few things to leverage to navigate times of change.
photo courtesy of pinterest
Ah, 🎇🎇C H A N G E🎇🎇
Such a short, simple word – like an easy breeze in a summer day until things change and that word feels big and heavy like an impending storm, filling the sky with dark colors and emotion.
Dramatic, I know. But accurate, no?
Personally, my heart and soul love change. I live off novelty, exploring what I haven’t been exposed to before, learning new things, meeting new people, putting myself in new situations even if it makes me uncomfortable and awkward. My brain, though, isn’t as big of a fan of change. While my heart and soul are free swimming in the sparkling waters of newness my brain is flailing around in the waters with clunky floaties and a nose plug, trying to turn up the volume on it’s intrusive thoughts:
🧠“Um, what in the actual fuck, get it together!!!”
🧠“Helllllloooooo, everyone around you is doing XYZ, you’re fooling around on vacation in a new country you’re wasting time!!”
🧠“This is too risky. You’ll be poor, unsafe, unhappy, stupid, making a mistake, [insert negative word here]”
🧠“WE’RE FLAILING HELP ME SAVE ME”
Sometimes, it is really easy to let the volume of my brain overtake the inclinations of my heart and soul. Such is life. However, the more you experience and have the chance to practice navigating change, the more opportunities you have to build resilience so that next time, you can lean on the tools you built to help you through trying times as well as the trust in yourself you’ve developed from navigating these situations before.
I’ve learned a few things in my personal experience, through my coaching work and through continuous education on mindset that serve as tools at the ready in my toolbox when I need to pull on them. I’ll share a few concepts, thoughts, tips, etc. below. Before I do, I’ll also preface that while I feel like I’ve come a long way, I am not perfect nor do I have “navigating change” mastered…do we ever? [insert existential pondering here]
Let’s get into it.
1) The power of mindset 💪🧠✔
The question is not what has HAPPENED TO US, but how WE RESPOND.
Change offers us the opportunity to hold space for both the stress that comes with entering the unknown as well as gratitude for what we’ve experienced and what we will continue to learn.
💡If you find yourself in a spiral, try making a list of the things that you are grateful for because of whatever is changing in your life – be it a job, a relationship, your residence, etc.
What have you learned?
Who have you met?
How are you different because of this experience?
Additionally, do what you can to focus on the right things even when circumstances are tough. Think about what you CAN control versus what you CANNOT.
2) Understanding the Kubler-Ross Change Curve curve
Understanding the psychology behind digesting change can be life changingly insightful, especially for those that are struggling with the unknown aspect of the change. This curve gives you the map of how you might experience the processing of change.
Here’s what each stage means:
Shock
This is an initial period of overwhelm and inaction. If you’re still in a state of shock, you need to give yourself time and space to adjust. It might help to limit the amount of news you’re consuming each day so you can start processing what’s happening and move along the curve. If you stay here, you may not be able to weather the storms.
Denial
If you’ve convinced yourself that everything will be fine and that you just need to keep doing what you were doing before until it all ‘blows over’, you are in the denial stage. In order to move out of this stage, it’s helpful to challenge your own assumptions. Talk to others, especially others navigating similar situations, about what they’re thinking, feeling, and doing in order to gain clarity about your own situation.
Anger, Frustration, Blame
If you’re in this stage, you recognize that things are different and perhaps won’t ever be the same again. This can produce strong feelings of frustration or anger and a feeling that ‘it’s just not fair’. While it’s good to pass through this stage, as it can be an important catalyst for the next steps, be careful not to stay here too long. Look at the options you have in front of you and look to friends, family and/or a professional business mentor or coach for guidance.
Sadness, Depression
If you stay too long in the previous stage, it will affect your mood and energy levels and you may lose your motivation and slip into depression. Developing your mental toughness and resilience is essential. Again, don’t try to get through this alone. Tap into your support network and get some practical advice on how to move forward.
Experimentation, Acceptance
At this stage you are starting to feel more positive that things might work out. You’re thinking about how you might adapt to the changed environment. It’s good to be completely open-minded as you brainstorm options and start developing new capabilities to help you through the change.
Problem-solving, Decision-making
As your capability grows so will your confidence and in this stage you’re feeling empowered again. You’ve accepted the change and realised that you can make this work. You’ve had some good ideas and are starting to take back control. You may even be feeling excited about the new opportunities and possibilities.
Integration, Commitment
You’ve come out the other side. You’ve adapted yourself and your business to the ‘new normal’, your morale is high, and you’re starting to thrive again. The future is looking bright.
Remember, it’s usually not a linear journey along the change curve. You may spend longer in one stage than in others or skip a stage altogether. You may feel you’re moving forward, and then something new happens and throws you back into shock, anger or despair. If this happens, remember that, “This too shall pass” and you DO have the ability to get back on top again.
Be aware of how others around you are feeling. If you are now feeling strong and determined – recognize that others may not feel the same way and use this knowledge to be empathetic and supportive.
3) Constructive overthinking 🚧
Our brains want to immediately fall down the dark black hole of overthinking which in most cases does not serve us a ton. However, there is value in allowing some constructive overthinking.
Let me explain how it can work.
Give yourself 5 minutes on a timer so you know there is a definite end stop to this experience.
Then, let your mind suggest something scary about whatever change you’re going through
Continue to ask “then what?” until you can’t anymore. Likely, it might help you feel a bit better knowing that you’ve thought about possible ways things can play out and perhaps you might even feel less scared by them.
Here’s an example:
“Shit, I’m super nervous that by telling my friend I have feelings for them they won’t have feelings for me back”
Then what?
“Well, then I might loose a friend that I really cherish”
Then what?
“Then I could be without this friend. We might not spend time together anymore and that will hurt”
Then what?
“It will hurt for awhile. I can make new friends or spend time with other friends”
Then what?
“Then I’ll eventually be okay…and maybe enough time will pass where we can be friends again”
You got this 😊
4) Practicing Gratitude
Sounds simple, but finding glimmers (small moments that spark joy, peace or gratitude) on a daily basis and searching for things to be grateful for builds a muscle that helps you access that viewpoint moving forward.
Start small by starting or ending your day with two things you are grateful for
Challenge yourself to find a few ‘glimmers’ throughout your day
This could be as simple as the sun shining through your office window, a sweet text from your partner or friend, the fact the barista NAILED your coffee order, the cute stranger that held the door open for you, etc.
photo courtesy of pinterest
I could chat and write forever about change, but we’ll end this here. Comment below if anything resonated and if there are any tips you have that aren’t listed here that folks might benefit from!
Sending love and bravery to you as you navigate change and life and all the things. 💕💋💖🙌👏🎇🌻😘 you got this. xoxo - Jess