fragility.
fragility of life, specifically...
Fragility. What a word.
Defined as the quality of being easily broken or damaged; the quality of being delicate or vulnerable.
I guess I’ve been talking about this topic a lot lately because mid-concert a friend turns to me and tells me this is what I need to write about next.
This past week I’ve thought about fragility a lot, specifically the fragility of life. Trigger warning – this article is about death…and life…but definitely death. My mom hates when I bring this topic up. My Scorpio nature has me unafraid to talk about taboo and ‘scary’ things like death – I invite it. But I recognize that isn’t the preference of everyone so if the topic of death scares the shit out of you, feel free to click off this page. However, I really invite you to stay.
I think it really hit me when I read about Dave Hollis’ passing. I have respected his journey, especially his stepping down from his influential executive role at Disney to support his wife’s rapidly growing business. He also always had some inspiring words to share and I just liked his energy.
Anyways – he was 47.
He leaves behind 4 kids. And being semi-recently divorced, his ex-wife that he leaves behind is now truly a single parent.
He seemed healthy, fit, happy. Present on this Earth and taking up SPACE one day and then the next day, just NOT. I SO feel for all of those feeling his absence. How does a family continue on after such a loss?
Then I recalled how many people in my life have experienced such loss – loss of a friend, a parent… some from similar reasons (fuck you, cancer), some for different. Then a few days after thinking about Dave’s passing, one of my closest friends found out her grandfather passed.
All to say, this theme was and is very top of mind.
There’s a whole multi-layered conversation I could turn this article into but for now, I’d like to just touch on 2 takeaways:
1) that because life is fragile and tomorrow is not guaranteed, we need to SOAK up as much life as possible.
2) If you struggle soaking up life, take a look at your values
Let’s dive in…
1) Life is fragile – have you TRULY LIVED TODAY?
Similar to the semi-cliché saying “try to live everyday as if it was your last”…but hey, it’s true, right!? Have you ever thought, “oh wow, what if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Can I say I truly lived today?”
Again, I really don’t mean to scare, but instead just trying to be very realistic.
How ADMIRABLE is it to be able to say or to strive to say you truly lived today / each day? And the beautiful, no pressure part of it all is that “truly living” will look different everyday. I’ve talked about the stress curve before so if you’re familiar you know that not everyday looks the same. Some days your maximum effort is 80% and others it’s 120%. If you’re not familiar with the stress curve, go peek at article #5.
The key here, though, is the promise to yourself to BRING IT EVERY DAMN DAY.
Some days you’ll need rest – at least you ACKNOWLEDGE that and BROUGHT that version of you to the world that day. Even if you stayed in pajamas, watched movies and didn’t have any plans – if you can say to yourself “yes, I truly showed up for myself today and lived in the way that felt right today” then DAMNIT you’ve truly lived and I APPLAUD YOU!!!!
I think that’s another key takeaway here – to truly live everyday doesn’t mean you have to fucking skydive, travel, or have a day of back to back plans.
Truly living doesn’t equate to busy-ness.
So I guess that might leave some of you wondering, “hmm, well then what is the measure of truly living?” Okay….fair…so here’s how I think of it for myself:
If I can, at the end of the day, say to myself that I gave all that I had, I feel content, inspired, tired in a good way, challenged in a healthy way (substitute your own words here!!), then I know I truly lived.
Sometimes for me that looks like an awesome day at work and a home cooked meal or a great date or helping a friend, etc.
Bottom line: SOAK up as much life as you can and acknowledge that life you’re soaking up everyday will look different EVERY DAY. Try to be able to say to yourself @ the end of the day, “wow, I truly lived today”.
2) If you’re struggling to soak up life, take a look at your VALUES.
If asking yourself if you’ve truly lived today doesn’t resonate, maybe instead ask if you’ve honored your values that day. If that still has you confused, that’s alright don’t fret!!! You’re on the right path because BOOM - the lack of answer is some beautiful awareness of where to spend some focused energy on. If you’re stuck and WANT to feel like you’ve truly lived, then ask yourself:
- What am I NOT honoring right now?
- What AM I honoring right now?
I work with most of my coaching clients on identifying their values right off the bat in our relationship (and throughout) because they’re SO grounding and powerful. Truly, If you ever feel lost, upset, triggered, etc, ask yourself those questions. Those straightforward questions will help you understand what is important to you and what you currently aren’t honoring , giving you an opportunity to honor it.
And if what I’ve written has you in a tizzy that life isn’t what you want it to look like – that’s OKAY. Because guess who has the power to change that!? YOU. Just focus everyday on getting 1% clearer on what matters to you and I bet you’d be surprised what your life could look like in a few months, even.
Here’s another trick. I love using this tool myself and with clients to drive self-awareness and to assess your satisfaction in significant parts of your life. Think of it as a temperature check for your life - you can use it to gauge how hot you are (read: excited) for certain aspects of your life as well as where the cold parts are (read: areas you want to be more excited) and can direct more focused energy there. I’m happy to send you this in a word doc so you can edit it - e-mail me at jessica.vincetic@gmail.com if you’d like me to send it to you.
All in all…
1) Life is fragile – have you truly LIVED today?
2) YOU are the author of your own life. If you want a change, you CAN MAKE THE CHANGE.
3) If you aren’t feeling like you are truly living every day, take a look at your values.
4) Use tools, ask for help, have vulnerable chats. Take the time and energy to discover what will make you feel truly ALIVE.
5) The world NEEDS your fully alive self in all forms. On the days when you’re a potato on the couch just as much as the days you are on a stage influencing others. The WORLD NEEDS YOU!!!
xoxoxo